proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
You're like the curious george of whores
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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