You work out of a Hotel?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
