the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize