My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Randomize
