We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
