First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize