My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
