People in love make me want to vomit
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize