3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize