she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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