she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
