Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
farters have to be the big spoon...
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
