tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Randomize
