I feel great
I just peed on a car
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
