I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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