I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
