listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
