i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
