remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
