you're like a bully in the Christmas story
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
