Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
