where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
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