Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
