Do you still have your period?
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
