party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
