I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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