The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
