she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
i've created a new STD.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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