dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Randomize
