I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
where am i from again
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
