I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
