morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
