youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize