Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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