Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
