i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
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