Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
