i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
