i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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