rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
