I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I cockslap morals
meet me or not, i'm out of control
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
