I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
