i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
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