My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
