I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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