You don't have asthma, your pregnant
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Randomize
