I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Randomize
