You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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