Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize