Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
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