i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
