I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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