They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
