She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize