I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I think im going to throw up on grandma
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
