i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
