I have demons in me.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
