I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
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