week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
