The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
