someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
