I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
