you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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