My liver just broke up with me...
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
