Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize